i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
