I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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