I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
