Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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