a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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