Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
