make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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