Umm I'm too high to move.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
