You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
