I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
