Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My cat gives me a boner
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize