There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
