and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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