so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
