We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
