Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
