The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
we're so committed to being not committed
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
