OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
