Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
