I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
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this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
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Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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