Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
