The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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