you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
