Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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