Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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