Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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