he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
