I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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