You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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