why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
