my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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