My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
