another moral hangover. fuck.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
