wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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