During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
ugly people sure do ruin things
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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