Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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