Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
