Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
