hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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