i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
