mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
