dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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