Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
