I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
