6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
