I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
