i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
