He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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