If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
