that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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