Im at strip club and am horny
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
No subtext here. People are naked.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
