Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
