I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
