Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
