someone get that fucking seahorse.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
