Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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