Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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