I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
