Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
