i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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