my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
