Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
