i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
