I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
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I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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