Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
