and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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