Having a random hookup so left but love u
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
