took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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