giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I will be naked everywhere
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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