I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
