Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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