GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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