its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
