I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."