My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
