Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
