i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
