were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Go christen that room with your naked body.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
