you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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